I can text with my tongue
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
