all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
