Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
