So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
