This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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