Me too!
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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