life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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