I got chris browned last night
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
