I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
