Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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