he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
