doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
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at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
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I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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