She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
