i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
