it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
