Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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