do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i dont even know how to be here
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
