woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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