Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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