I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
