Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
