I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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