i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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