sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
