where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Shame is for Republicans.
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