i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
