I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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