pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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