So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
