If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
