I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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