girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
