Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
