Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
