he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
