Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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