your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize