...so i touched it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i drank out of a bidet.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
