Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
