if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
