hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
