I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
