Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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