Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
