my mouth tastes like poor choices
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
