Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
