I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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