You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
