Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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