sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
