Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
