Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
