Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
