My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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