ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
