You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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