Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
