he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
