i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
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