Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
