Kiss
Puke
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
