make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
