i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
