Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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