Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
