I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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