dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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