i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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