I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
